Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mother Always Said. . .

What a bad blogger I've been this past month. Several people have e-mailed me and said, "Hey, what's up, no new posts?" I have thought about posting several times, it just didn't get done.

You would think at my age that I would understand and know the wisdom of a mother. Well my mom told me a few months ago that if I didn't slow down a little and take care of myself that the Lord would slow me down. She was right. August has been a really tough month.

I started to have really bad anxiety attacks. Like the kind that cause Dave to reach for the phone to call 911. They are happening several times a week. My energy level is zippo. I'm not depressed, but sad. I'm not sleeping well at all. I can't make decisions and then that brings on an anxiety attack. I don't have an appetite and I have become afraid to go out for fear of another attack. How embarassing would that be to have a bad attack right there in Target. No one wants to see some crazy lady sitting on the floor gasping for air. No thank you!

So Mom was right. The Lord brought me down and forced me to rest. He took me to task. I had no choice but to sit---literally to catch my breath.

I went to the doctor and learned that I have adreanal fatigue. Basically, my adreanal gland just doesn't want to work right, which causes all these lovely symptoms.

I'm in the process of "fixing" my adreanal gland. It's stressful, because of course I want to feel better NOW! It takes time. It took time to get in this mess, it will take time to get out of it. I also have learned that I have to slow down.

I always thought I could do it ALL. I can keep a sparklingly clean house (I got rid of the cleaning lady, because I thought I could do it), be a good wife, homeschool my kids, entertain friends and family, be a good mom, be there for my Design Team, run a business and the list goes on. I made little time to spend alone with the Lord. I made absolutely NO time for myself----because that's selfish. All of this craziness brought on a very, very unpleasant month.

I can't do it ALL. I have to delegate. I have to focus on the Lord. I HAVE to take some time for myself and not feel guilty about it. I have to let go. I have to LEARN how to rest. I HONESTLY don't know how to do that. I've always been a person that can't stand to sit still. Watching movies can drive me nuts, because I'm just sitting. I can watch a movie and do paperwork. I run all day long. The doctor asked me, "What do you do that lights a fire in you that's just for you?" I couldn't answer him. Dave couldn't answer him. I used to scrapbook or stamp, but that's part of my job now. And, to sit and try to scrap. . . UGH. . . it involves making decisions. What paper, what picture, what colors, what embellishments? It's just too much. I can't do it. Not now.

So all in all, I'm trying to make some changes in my lifestyle, in my diet (i.e. eat!---I don't do that well either---it takes time), in my mind set. What I've been doing just isn't working.

Please pray for me. I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm tired and I really wish it would just go away. I want to be able to do it all and do it well and I just don't understand why I can't.

I have become an over thinking, perfectionistic, workaholic (both in my business and home). Sounds yucky--huh? I have SUPER high expectations of myself, but need to learn a new way.

My mom was right. They usually are when it involves their kids. Thank you Mom! I love you! I just wish you were wrong this time.

I'm going to try to post more often. I just need to get healthy again. I hope I can post about something FUN I've done---maybe just for me.

I love you all and am so thankful for you. Thank you to those who have e-mailed me asking how I am. You are truly a blessing!!!


connie said...

Stacey I hope you feel better soon. None of us is "super mom" We just THINK we are. It is hard to change our ways but we have to for ourself and our family. please take care of yourself.

Lori Barnett said...

Girl...I can relate to many of the things you are talking about. I don't know why we think some of those things. I do know it will get better. The Lord will show you. Take little steps. Start every day in prayer. Laugh more :) Have a stare-off contest with your hubby & kids. Remember -no blinking!! (((HUGS))

ellie said...

I'll pray for you.

Leslie Ashe said...

Hi Stacey :D

You are an amazing lady! All you I am so happy you sent me your blog! You're MY inspiration. I want you to know I am so happy to be a part of your team and to be a new friend. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. I am praying for you!
Take that time you need for you. Like one reader is little baby steps. One day you'll look back on this and say..."So THIS is what you wanted to show me...thank you LORD!"

Hugs girl...
Hope your weekend is blessed!

p.s. thank you again for believing in ME! ;D

LoRi said...

You got it sister, I am praying for you! You will feel better soon, I know it. You are way too fabulous not to. Call on me if you need me, please!
Big hugs.

Kelley said...

Stacey, I will surely pray for you also. It sounds strange but this is good for you in a way becasue you will be better in the long run, for the rest of your life if you can learn to relax and take it easy. Take care!!!

Amanda said...

You are in my prayers. Maybe next week I can swing by and bring you some ice tea.

Melissa Bove (SCS ~ Melissa1872) said...

Oh, Stacey! I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through! I can definitely relate! I am like you, I think I can do it all! Clean the house, gardening, landscaping, a baby, a hubby, clean the pool, etc, etc! But I finally realized that I need to make time for myself too! (And that includes rest!;) Take care of yourself, girl! You are an amazing woman! You can do it!! You will be in my prayers!!

{{{Hugs to you}}}

Michelle Lanning said...

oh girly - I CAN so relate to SO MANY OF those things! I think it is the Lord's way of telling us to slow the heck down and reprioritize -- I think you are putting things in the right hands and you will heal and get better --- Please let me know if there is anything I can do -- BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!!!

Stacy Cohen said...

Oh Stacey, I so wish I could come over there and give you a big hug!!! I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Please take care of yourself and give yourself permission to just take care of YOU. You will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. PLEASE let me know if there's anything I can do!! Big hugs to you!!

TanishaRenee said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers, Stacey! Take time to heal yourself and let those who love and care for you most take care of you as well! Please know that it is perfectly OK to let some things go, let them wait until later, or let someone else handle it! HUGS honey!

Jenniwren32 said...

Hi Stacy,
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going though right now! You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care,


Deanna Kroll said...

I have been thinking of you daily since you told me Stacey, and I am praying that you find peace within yourself because that is one way that you'll start healing and your body will begin to feel better as well. Put your faith in God and he will take care of you in HIS way. It may be a slow, long road, but in the end you will prevail. Hugs - and if you ever need to talk you know I am here for you.

Kim Dellow said...

You take care of yourself Stacey, I will be thinking of you and hoping that you re-find your centre, but don't force it - it will come and don't feel guilty about the things that slide, some things have to give and the important things will always get done. Sending you big hugs.

Melissa Sauls said...

Oh Stacey, my heart hurt reading this about you. I'm so sorry you are going through this, but glad you are resting for your well-being. I'm cheering for you from the sidelines. You are still superwoman!

Janette said...

Just trust in all around you,have faith and all will be well,and learn that we all have to take it easy,I used to be just like you,my mum told me it could'nt last forever and it didn't....what a shock that was....but with a little help and guidence,we all learn to roll with it,you will be fine hun,just listen to yourself alittle,take care,hugs Janette.x

Michelle ~ ~ said...

stacey, you don't know me but I know of thru several friends in Boise, ID. I have several friends that have experienced exactly what you are going thru. Thank you for your honesty and opennes about life and God's calling upon you. I'll be praying too. Believe it or not there are several books relating to adrenal therapy and fatigue syndrome; for the life of me I cannot think the titles. I've moved and all my books are in storage. 2 of the books are written by Christian women. Not that you need any more to do ... be encouraged and remember doing life together for His glory. Thank you for all that you do!

Danielle said...

Stacey, a friend of mine was just diagnosed with having that and she had surgery to remove her adrenal gland. She feels MUCH better now and isn't having attacks like that anymore. You should definitely pursue that avenue with your doctor! There is a test they can do. Please email me if you have more questions and I can have you talk to my friend that had it done.